“Intolerant Bastards: if this is Man, then what?” – Discordion, 2014.
These Tory quacks and charlatans are beyond belief
For some time now, Conservative strategist Lynton Crosby has been reassuring his adopted party they will reach “crossover”. This is the term he’s been using to describe the moment when they take over the lead from Labour in the polls and push ahead.
The date of crossover, rather like the rapture, keeps being pushed back. It was meant to be Christmas last year, but nothing of significance happened then apart from a particularly good Dr Who special. January was also disappointing, February was frigging desolate and March passed without a squeak.
Now we’re in the middle of April, what TS Eliot described as “the cruellest month”: for the Tories that’s proved true, with Labour and Conservative still stuck on more or less 33%.
It would be easy then for David Cameron to give up on Mr Crosby and his promise of good polls ahead; except, he can’t. Lynton Crosby is his Designated Bastard, the man his party has paid fistfuls of money to order all of them about and get them to do whatever it takes to win. It’s the stuff of tradition for Tory governments to get in an expensive Designated Bastard at election time; it’s the line of life, a cycle of comfort. The Designated Bastard arrives, tells them not to be pussies, puts up posters about Labour’s tax bombshells, flashes up cartoons of the Labour leader in the pocket of someone, or being the poodle of someone, sitting on someone’s lap, wearing someone’s hair, or being stuck up someone’s arse.
Usually, the party pays devoted attention to the Designated Bastard.
First, because he’s so expensive but really because he’s such a Bastard. He gets them to do things they’ve spent the past five years being ordered not to under any circumstances. For five years, they’ve been clenching their teeth and talking about partnership and coalition. They’ve been pushing Big Societies and feeling everyone’s pain by sobbing that we’re all in it together.
Except, this time, it seems not to be. Lynton Crossover hasn’t worked.
And that’s a problem, since there is no plan B.
The Tories believe in tradition and the tradition has always been that being a Bastard works.
So panic sets in. Once panic starts, rational political behaviour falls apart. Hence the true “crossover” we got last week – the much commented on swapping of clothes brazenly taking part in the Labour and Conservative manifestos.
Labour painted themselves as the party of fiscal rectitude, while the Tories went crazy on uncosted spending commitments. In this crazy looking-glass politics, Labour turn out to be the party with the most conservative financial commitment to the NHS, while the Conservatives are the most profligate.
This muddle has been a long time coming. For decades now, each main party has been defining itself on how similar it is to the other and how different it is from its own past. New Labour stole Thatcherite prudence and Cameroonian Conservativism detoxified its nasty image by going green and socially aware. Like two galaxies drawing closer to each other, it’s no wonder they ended up in a massive swirl of confusion.
The spinning can’t be stopped: if anything, it gets faster and faster until you can’t tell which one is which.
Labour’s paranoia about looking like Old Labour I can understand: battered for so long by a mostly rightwing press, it still clings to a suspicion that even in this digital age the old tabloid headlines still affect people’s opinion.
The Tory volte-face I find truly extraordinary, though. Normally, this type of trickery is done with just words. Last election, it was the verbal gymnastics contained in such slogans as “Vote Blue, Go Green” or that most perfect of semantic paradoxes, “Vote for Change: Vote Conservative”. It’s a basic trick with words, in which you take a word and insist it means its opposite. The more you insist, the greater chance people will believe you. (We know it as Orwellian double-speak)
This time round, though, there is something desperate about the trick.
- They will “spend” on the NHS more than Labour, but that spending will be funded by carrying on with their “track record” on the economy.
- They’ll block Scottish MP’s voting on certain tax laws but that will somehow keep the UK united.
- They will rail against recklessness, but concede a European referendum (to stave off a threat to their support)
- and pledge billions in public spending based on no more than an inkling the economy’s going to keep growing.
All this time, they’ll muffle this panic with words such as “steady” and “on course”, words used to conceal an unsteady veer away from stability.
They’re like bad magicians who, at the moment of subterfuge, simply shout: “What’s that?” and point to the other side of the room in the hope we’ll turn away.
This isn’t wordplay – this is charlatanism pure and simple.
David Cameron is indulging in basic quackery, trying to sell you stuff he knows doesn’t work. He’s doing it with our money and he’s conjuring with people’s lives.
We know there’s no magic; the money will come from the cuts and deficit reductions and benefit targets and financial squeezes on those Cameron knows won’t be voting for him anyway.
It’s the bastardly misuse of the public purse and the final proof, if any were needed, that he is unfit to lead his country and his party unfit to govern.
Katie Hopkins is the typical private school toff.
Her parents never cared about her much, never said they loved her, and packaged her off to some boarding school aged 7. She’s a twisted victim of her upbringing. She sees the world as cold and loveless as her childhood and realised a great way to get attention is to spit bile and vitriol and draw shocked reactions to her attention seeking. She should be in a psychiatrist chair not on tv and in newspapers. She is mentally unstable, possibly sociopathic, and is being exploited by Murdoch media for entertainment.
“I still Don’t care” is the ideology of David Cameron and Katie Hopkins, it is the message of our time.
The David Clapson story – David Cameron left furious after the Andrew Marr interview
David Cameron was left fuming today after being grilled on live TV over the death of a diabetic ex-soldier whose benefits had been stopped.
The angry Prime Minister’s “lips went thin” with rage after he was quizzed about tragic David Clapson, according to witnesses.
Downing Street did not deny the PM was angered by the questions but rejected suggestions he “stormed out” of the studio after filming finished.
The Mirror told last summer how David, 59, died with just £3.44 in his bank account after his £71.70-a-week Jobseeker’s Allowance was axed because he missed an appointment .
Tests show he died from diabetic ketoacidosis – caused by not taking his insulin.
His devastated sister Gill Thompson said he may have stopped injecting himself with the lifesaving drug after becoming so desperate over his lack of cash and work.